Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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