can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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