brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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