Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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