Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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