The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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