me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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