I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
