just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
