I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
