So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
