omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
