Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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