Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
