Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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