SEEEEXXX PLEASE
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
