I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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