Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
