there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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