Having a random hookup so left but love u
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
