She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
