Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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