soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
