is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
