Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I accidentally had phone sex last night
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
