somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
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