you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
