She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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