saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.