Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Come share oat with me in your robe
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?