Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
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He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
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If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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