he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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