I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
