Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
