dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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