The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
What changed your mind?
Being sober
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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