mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
