So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
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i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
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What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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