Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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