i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I should be sponsored by Trojan
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
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