How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
