So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Randomize
