my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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