How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize