she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
