Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
