the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
