Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
