Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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