No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
