Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
