ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
