Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
