I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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