Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
