This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
