so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
