i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
