So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
