the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
