this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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