The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
