I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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