Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i will never coherently bang her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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