there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
