i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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